I Choose Jesus

I Choose Jesus

Like most of you, I am familiar with lament.  As I look through my journals of the past, there are times I see myself pouring out my grief to my Abba Father.  I see frustration and yes sometimes even despair.  Somehow in the act of surrendering my lament to Jesus I arrive on the other side and realize that no matter what happens in my life I desire and am desperate for an intimate relationship with Him.

The following is an excerpt from a journal entry after a period of lament:

·        I claim Jesus.  No matter what—I claim Jesus.  What are the words from Job, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, naked I will depart but the name of the Lord is to be praised."  I'm far enough along this journey in life to know every situation, every hardship, every heartache involves a choice and I will choose Jesus.

·        My faith is organic, blossoming and flourishing.  It is not a chance occurrence but deeply rooted and not to be removed or lost.  The realization that Jesus is for me brings me great comfort.

·        I have not even scratched the surface of knowing Jesus and his heart for me.  There is so much 'unlearning' that needs to happen for me to accept his extravagant grace, mercy and love.  The idea of Jesus being disappointed in my behavior and choices and my blessings being held in ransom is hard to undo.  Why did I not understand that Jesus loves me.  That he is thrilled with me, that he brought me to his banqueting table but his eyes feasted on me?  I am just beginning to delve into this love he has for me.  If I was completely honest I would admit this is still a daily struggle.  If we understood his love for us there would be no going back, life as we know it would be forever changed and it would start a love revolution here on earth.

·        In light of the aforementioned I am greedy for more.  I want visible signs of the spirit moving in my life.  I want joy to fill my cup.  And like any child waiting for presents at Christmas I am impatient.  And like any parent I know my Father looks at me in those moments and says, "I can hardly wait for Christmas morning to see the look on her face as she unwraps the gifts I have so lovingly chosen."

·        I have been healed!!  There has always been a bit of lingering doubt that maybe the fulfillment of my total healing was dependent on my performance.  I have come to know that it is not a conditional thing but it is something I need to claim and step out into.  I am a healed child of God; in fact by his stripes I have been healed.  I don't want to ever forget that.

·        My relationship with Jesus is not and should not be dependent on my emotions of the day.  When I am down and desperate or whether I am on the mountain top, Jesus is constant.  He is the great I AM.  He is not fickle, and does not need anything from me, HE IS THE GREAT I AM.

 

Posted by Bev Cornelson